In the book “Walk the Talk” by Eric Harvey and Al Lucia on page 11 you will find the following statement:

“Words to live by are just words unless you live by them.”

On the surface we all think that we “get it”, that we understand that simple statement. We think that it means something like, “good advice must be acted on to be of value.”
Actually, it doesn’t mean that at all. What it means is that our stated values have not become personal values until we act out of them when it would be easier and more comfortable to act differently.

The trouble is that the folks around us see our actions and not our intentions. Oh, the people who love us give us grace on our most selfish of days. But the majority of folks have nothing to evaluate us by but what they see.

On page 34 of the same little book you will see the following:
“We judge ourselves mostly by our intentions, but others judge us mostly by our actions.”
At this point many folks think I am talking about being “nicey nicey” all the time, saccharine sweet and full of flattery. Those manipulative behaviors are not of value to the giver and they rot in the gut of the receiver.

I am not talking about praising people for simply doing their jobs. I am talking about not beating them up when they make mistakes. In our company we value grace. As a result of this value, we do not fire folks for making honest mistakes. But beyond that, we do not beat them up the day after they make a single mistake.

Have you ever worked with or for a company that made it known to its employees what it took to get fired? Yes, I said FIRED not HIRED. In fact, if you are working with or for someone right now, do you know what it takes to get fired?

If you don’t know what can get you fired, I contend you do not know what that company truly values. Most of the time a company acts out of its true values when it fires folks.
Frequently, firings occur when the values of the employee do not line up with the values of the company. As the employee consistently acts out of his or her values the company builds a picture of the employee. If the actions, not the intentions, of the employee do not reflect the values of the company, a separation will usually follow.

You see, when people see what we DO they usually infer INTENTION. If what I am doing does not reflect my intentions, in other words, my values, then I should consider changing what I am doing.

So, back to our main point, “Words to live by are just words until you live by them.” If our words to live by include words like faith, love, perseverance, peace and grace, no one will be able to see these in our lives when we allow ourselves to take up an offence, become resentful, and begin to get revenge.

Our words are just words until we are actually offended and choose to act on one of those words and not on other words like resentment, resistance and revenge. Is it easy? No. Can it be done? That is the whole point.

Grace and Peace,
Brenda

Between 12 and 20…perhaps the eight most important years of each of our lives. Think back to when you were 12. In many cultures 12 is the year of passage into adulthood. We begin to see parents as people with flaws and we begin to see ourselves as members of a larger community.

Between twelve and twenty choices are made and directions taken that shape the rest of our lives. It is an incredibly important period of years, formative, brave, and hopeful. In those eight years, all things are possible. We BELIEVE in ourselves, in our family, in our country, in the limitless possibilities of the future.

It is during those most important eight years that we actually come together as persons, we get educated, trained, prepared, and become accountable for our destinies. Everything before 12 is a foundation. From 12 on we build on our foundation. Whether we build out of wood hay and stubble or out of solid stone is entirely up to us.

Fortunately for us as a nation 2012 comes at a time when our forefathers have laid a strong foundation in us. It is up to us what happens now in these next eight years between 2012 and 2020. Just as the years between 12 and 20 are the most significant years for an individual, the years between 2012 and 2020 will be the most significant for our nation.

So, as we pass into adulthood this year, hopefully we will learn that “there is no free lunch” and that we need to pay our own way. Hopefully, we will pick up the skills of managing a “household” budget and living within our means. Per chance we will develop listening skills and respect for our elders. But more than anything, may we learn to be leaders.

The world is in need of leaders. It is in need of a nation of leaders. It is time to mature as a nation and stop acting like small children who don’t know where their food comes from and who demand and get their wishes fulfilled by Santa Claus.

As a nation of grown up leaders to the world, we need to begin at home. We need to clean our own house and remove those influences that dull our senses and lull us into a kind of slavery to overlords who tell us what we want to hear but rarely tell us what we need to hear. This year is our year of passage into adulthood as a nation. May God give us the wisdom to make mature choices, to reject false promises and to inspire others to do the same.

The years between twelve and twenty stand to be the best years of our lives, rich and beautiful years. It is up to us. Others have gone before us and made it possible for this generation to stand here in 2012 poised to usher in the young adulthood of America. May we make this great host of witnesses proud of our choices, our character, and our courage.

Be wise, my friend.
Brenda

Joseph Father and Husband

Merry Christmas to you all. Thank you for reading these little missives over the year.

Christmas is a very special time of year for me and as usual, I am reflecting on Mary and Jesus. But this year God has prompted me to reflect on Joseph, too.

Joseph Father

He gets to be part of the manger but not much more. The fact is he is so much more. He is truly the first “defender of the faith.”

I suppose I am thinking about him because a woman was recently executed for the sole reason of her beliefs. No, she was not a Christian. In fact I believe that her beliefs were simply misguided and false.

Joseph Husband

But I like to think that folks around Mary thought she was also misguided and deluded, or deceptive and sinful. Joseph, however, at the prompting of an angel, did not stone Mary to death; he protected her.

It is one of the most beautiful tenets of my faith. Perfect religion is to care for widows and orphans and I might add unwed mothers and helpless or misguided women.

There was a time when prostitutes or women who had been seduced by a man were stoned to death. Mary easily fell into that category by the standards of her society.

But, Joseph listened to the Angel of God and did the right thing. In parts of today’s world Mary could be executed because she brought shame on her family. I like to think that if I lived in the country where the woman was recently executed for her ill-begotten beliefs, I would have done something to help her. But I don’t know.

I get angry that there was no Joseph for her. Then I ask, where were her own sisters? Where were the other women of her community and country? How can women just stand by and do nothing while a woman is executed for her beliefs. Remind me again what century this is.

Where are the women of the world who espouse beliefs about the sanctity of life…just not her life? We have all watched as women of Afghanistan have been summarily executed and even in our own towns we have seen relatives attack and abuse women with impunity.

When will we care enough to stand shoulder to shoulder and tell the world that “No longer can you kill women solely because of your beliefs?” Women who walk in freedom have a responsibility to defend our sisters around the globe and in our own back yards.

What will it take? When will we move from our stunned passivity to action? This is not the purview of a particular political party. Politics should not enter into the discussion. This is the responsibility of every free woman on the planet.

So, as I reflect on the courage of one man, Joseph, to stand against the teachings of his community and to defend his woman, I wonder, “Where were all her sisters?”

It is no wonder that Jesus knelt down in the dirt to defend a helpless sinful woman some 30 years later. Defense of the weak, helpless and even sinful women is a legacy Christ left us. No wonder, he grew up in a home that had experienced that grace!

Thank you Joseph and thank you Jesus. Also, thank you all you brave and wonderful husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons who have willing set aside your own needs and sometimes your own lives to defend your women.

We may not be able to say it but in our hearts we know that you have done what we are seemingly unable to do for ourselves. We still need Joseph. And perhaps that is the most important message of all.

Will you be Joseph in someone’s life today?

Merry Christmas,

Brenda Standlee
www.americanprudential.com

Summer Vacation

Well, apparently I went to Newport, Oregon. I have the photo album to prove it and the brochure from Yaquina Head Outstanding Natural Area just off Highway 101 on the beautiful Pacific Coast, as well.

I say apparently because I have never actually been on summer vacation to Newport nor to Yaquina. But I have a friend, Marilyn, who knows I love lighthouses. She also knows why I love lighthouses. (More about that later)

So, Marilyn went to Oregon and she made the summer vacation trek to Yaquina Head. She did all the hiking and climbing to the top of the lighthouse. She took pictures along the way. I know because she came home and made a photo album of MY trip.

I now have a “coffee table” type beautiful photo album of the ocean, the birds, the trees, the bridges, my friend Marilyn and, oh yes, the lighthouse! About two dozen perfect photos in a lovely photo album that everyone loves to sit and flip through.

Summer Vacation

The album isn’t about Marilyn’s trip. It is about MY trip to see the things that I like. Marilyn could do that because she actually listens to her friends. She listens with purpose. She listens to what they like and why they like it. And then she remembers.

She remembers and she actually does something about it. I will never forget my summer vacation trip to Yaquina. And I am reminded once again that servant leadership is about listening…listening, caring and taking action.

Summer Vacation

Whatever you are doing today, try listening to the other people. Don’t just wait for a break in the conversation when you can start talking. But listen to the other person as if you cared. Funny thing is, after doing it for a while you will probably start to connect with that person. They will actually believe that you care.

To take it to a higher level, do something about what you heard. Introduce that person to someone who needs their services, or introduce them to someone who can meet their need.

Or you could make them a summer vacation photo album. They will never forget you. Because you have listened to them and they have proof.

Do it for someone who cannot help you in any way. It is infectious. You will find yourself wanting to listen and act more each day. Marilyn wants to be remembered as someone who listened and cared. Ya think?

How do you want to be remembered?

Now about why I like lighthouses. All over the world people build lighthouses…for strangers. It seems that putting resources and effort into building the lighthouse to guide travelers away from the hazards is a human trait. The lighthouse shows the way so that others can avoid getting lost on the shoals.

You have a choice; build a lighthouse, look for a lighthouse, or be a lighthouse.

Marilyn chose to be a lighthouse on her summer vacation.

Blessings,
Brenda
www.americanprudential.com

God forbid that you ever are captured by hostage takers who hate you and want to destroy you and your way of life. But would you recognize it if it happened? How would you respond?

There is a very well known survival technique called “The Hostage Syndrome.” This occurs when the hostage begins to believe and identify with the hostage takers. The hostage tries to placate the hostage takers and to comply with their demands.

“The Hostage Syndrome” usually occurs over a period of time, sometimes so gradually that the hostage is not even aware it is happening. We see the same kind of behavior in abusive families.

The abused spouse or child actually begins to believe that what the abuser says about them is true…”You are lazy”, “You are stupid”, “You are the problem”, “You need to change”, “I need to punish you”, “You deserve it.”

“Everything that is happening is your fault”, “You are the cause of all my problems”, “I know what is best for you”, and “You need to get with the program.”

If we hear voices like these coming from our political leaders will we recognize it as abuse? What will we do about it?

If we fall into “The Hostage Syndrome”, we will comply, placate, appease, keep our head down and try not to be seen. How is that working for you?

If we are to have liberty to pass on to our children and grandchildren then we must engage in telling them the truth. We must ask questions of our leaders and we must defend the freedoms of all our citizens, even those with whom we disagree.

Liberty cannot survive if we allow ourselves to become hostages to those who would attempt to control us. It is important that we understand that we “consent” to be governed but we should no more be controlled than the abused spouse or child should be victimized.

We all know the 20th century adage that “doing the same thing and expecting different results” is the definition of insanity. I contend that believing political speak that doesn’t lead to quantifiably better results is the pinnacle of insanity.

Someone once said, “There is only one way to judge a idea and that is by results; it is often harsh but it is always fair.”

This political season, let’s be fair to our politicians. Let’s judge them by results. If what they say has not resulted in the things they promised, then let’s make some changes. Look at the results in their past, in their own lives, in their careers. Can we believe them or are we just living in “The Hostage Syndrome” trying to survive?

We are the solution.
Brenda

Last week I had the wonderful privilege of watching a job well done. It wasn’t a baseball game, it wasn’t a concert, it wasn’t a good play.

It was logging and clearing. The land next to our new office building has sold and the logging company came in to clear the land for the new construction. It was awesome to behold. This group of guys really knows their jobs. And they do their jobs very well.

Men on heavy equipment took enormous pine trees down within a foot of my new fence. They never even scratched it. They drove huge loaders and scrapers and diggers within inches of the fence but never even brushed against it.

They did not waste a single tree either. All scrap was pulverized and taken off as mulch, you know the kind you put in your gardens. The trunks were trimmed and loaded to go to the sawmill to make 2 x 4’s and the like. Every single twig has been re-purposed or recycled. This was not a wasteful process.

Some of the trees that were there are what we call “trash trees” not good for much but brush fires. Yet, they too were recycled into mulch for our gardens to hold moisture on our fragile plants in the long Texas draught.

I imagine a different crew would have done a different job with different results. But this group of men was delightful to watch every day. I am sorry they are finished and moving on because there is nothing more satisfying than watching a “job well done” in the process.

There is only one way to judge an effort and that is by results; it is often harsh but it is always fair. It is fair to say that this crew is professionals. Their very neat results earn them the right to be called that. But if I just saw the results, I would not truly appreciate what “job well done” actually means.

If I just look at results, I miss the joy of the process, the camaraderie of the crew, the thrill of execution, the anticipation of completion.

If you have a crew doing anything, like a bunch of kids or employees or a sports team, please don’t just look at the results. Be a part of the process. If you don’t, you are missing a large part of what “job well done” really means.

Brenda

Those of us on the Texas Gulf Coast feel your pain on the East Coast today. If you are having a hard time deciding what to do, we have some tried and true suggestions:

1. Run for your life! Seriously, if you are “asked” to evacuate, just do it. Nothing you have is worth your life. As long as you are alive you can get more “stuff” but you cannot get more life. “It is appointed once for man to die.” Get a hotel reservation in a safe place that you can actually get to.

2. If you are not in the direct line of fire, plan to live by fire. Your biggest issue will be the lack of power. In Houston, it can be in the 90’s or 100’s following a hurricane and the lack of power means the lack of air-conditioning. So we all have generators to run fans and refrigerators. It may be too late for you to get these now in some areas but if you can, do.

3. Get gas cans. After a hurricane the gas stations take some time to come back on line. You may sit in line for hours just to buy some gas. Get some gas cans and fill them up. You will need the gas for the generator.

4. Fill your bathtub with water. Toilets don’t flush well without it and you may be without it for a while.

5. Now you can do the rest of the stuff everyone tells you to do: get flashlights with extra batteries, get a wind up radio, get phone chargers, get first aid, get medicine, get important documents, get food, get bottled water.

6. If you are going to “ride it out”, wear a water proof name tag with blood type and special medical needs so first responders can take care of you if you are injured. Do this especially for your children and elderly relatives. Try to all stay together. Finding each other after the fact can be difficult.

Believe me, Texans are praying for you today.
Brenda

Recently I reflected on why I don’t swim so much anymore. Like most folks, I fantasized for years what it would be like to have my very own pool in my back yard. But, I waited for the children in my family to get old enough to be safe around a pool.

Then the time came. I spent time interviewing pool builders, investigating their references and checking them out on the web. I worked with each one on their designs and finally settled on Brian Haub, a local pilot who also built pools. I chose him primarily because we could communicate and he was not hard selling me. He was the owner of his company and would be involved in the whole process. It was a good choice. The pool is great.

So, we swam and swam. Then what I think of as the second law of thermo dynamics began to operate. Over time things wore out and needed repair. There is the constant maintenance, year around maintenance. First, you try to use a service firm to do this, then you discover that they either are not doing what they should or they don’t know what they should.

After a while you inevitably try to do the cleaning and vacuuming and treating yourself. This does not go well and you are back at trying to find a qualified, honest pool service company.

Eventually you settle on one that charges more than you want but seems to do an adequate job except for the area over the waterfall outlet. So, you are back to doing pool maintenance just not all of it. You manage your expectations and stop expecting to find the perfect pool service company.

The point here is that in this process you find you have fallen out of love with that big hole in your back yard! It is my reflection that it is easy to fall in love with a virtual stranger; it is a very common practice. The trick is how do you stay in love when things start needing maintenance.

In my personal and business life God has used some difficult experiences to teach me to take joy in the process. By that I mean, if you are contemplating being married some day then don’t live in a fantasy world. Relationships start out like my dream of owning a pool. But eventually, there are things that need attending to. But don’t avoid the relationship just because you know this. Enjoy thinking about the kind of person you want to marry, the character traits, the beliefs, the values, the graces that are important to you.

Enjoy the process. Eventually, if you are clear about what is important to you, you will be led to someone who values the same things. Then enjoy the getting to know you stage, the planning for the future stage and the early commitment stage. By all means, talk about what you know is ahead even while you enjoy the moment. Discuss how you will handle the moments when you think you have fallen out of love.

If you do this well, you will learn what I have learned, it is still fun to jump in the pool! Yes, I know the pool has issues, problems and flaws. There is still stuff that needs working on. But my pool and I have moved from the Unknown to the Known stage of pleasure. We are like old friends now and we call out to each other in times of stress.

In business, take pleasure in dreaming, planning, and executing. But don’t neglect to take joy in the daily routine. Don’t fall out of love with your business. Don’t lose your passion for what you have created just because there are those bills to pay and calls to return. You didn’t resent those calls in the beginning. You were proud to pay those bills when you first started.

Here is the hidden secret, get up every day and tell yourself that YOU are the person your company has hired to replace YOU! It will do wonders for your attitude because if you neglect your relationships or your business, YOU will be replaced!

Blessings,
Brenda

Today I listened to several lies that a very prominent politician has told repeatedly. They sounded good. They stirred the hearer. They fit the circumstances. They were well delivered.

There was only one problem. They were not true. The politician would love for them to be true because these lies would make this politician more “connected” with the audience and more “significant” in their eyes. Unfortunately, for the deceived followers, there was little chance they would find out that the stories were actually purposefully constructed lies.

This politician knows the power of urban myth. And so do you. How many times have you read an email that just really got you stirred up? And, before you did any research or verification, you did what we have all done, you passed it along. It sounded good. It expressed the “truth” you wanted to believe.

Then the inevitable happened, someone replied to your email with the real truth. How did you feel? Were you ashamed? Did you reach back to the person who sent you the email in the first place? Well, sometimes you did. But eventually you just stopped trying to “clarify.” You left folks to figure it out on their own.

The trouble is that lies seldom get completely cleared up. There is a lot of power for the liar in just posing the lie even when they know that some folks will figure it out. They know that most folks will just “pass it along.”

There is a popular saying being passed around these days; “We may not get the leaders we want but we definitely get the ones we deserve.”

The truth is that we get the leaders whom we believe. We do not DESERVE to be lied to. But it is our responsibility to let our leaders know that we know that they have lied. If they will lie to us about the small things, how can we possibly trust them with the big things?

Brenda

Trying to buy a business right now is somewhat like bidding in an auction on the Internet.  You might win the bid but you are rarely sure you paid a fair price.  You are more likely to have “buyer’s remorse” because there is too much volatility.  You worry that tomorrow the item you bought today may sell for much less.  And, it may.

But the sage advice is to buy when the market is down.  You are told you will get a better price, a steal.  This is very short sighted.  A good seller is not looking for a buyer who wants a steal.  A good seller is looking for a buyer who wants a profitable deal.

So to buy well in this down economy, to buy from a good seller, look for well-run companies with bright futures and limited risk of early obsolescence.   Look for a company run by a family whose senior partner wants to retire.

Regard and respect that the senior partner may well have his or her entire retirement plan tied up in the valuation of the company.  Do your homework, do the due diligence, come to a realistic valuation of the assets, offer a fair price.  Don’t haggle, be fair.

When the seller sees that you respect their business and that you want to continue to grow it with economies-of-scale and good management, they will be open to what I think is the sensible approach to buying and selling in this down economy.

Agree together with the seller on a small down payment and an earn-out of the fair price of the assets.  Keep the earn-out tied to the continued success of the business.  Keep the seller available and interested in the ongoing success of the business.  Stage the payout over 5 to 7 years.

Structure the deal to allow an early pay-off of the seller if you hit the ball out of the park in the next few years.

Now is the time to buy businesses using the principles of fair pricing, small down, short earn-out and respect for all.
There are sellers who need to sell and there are younger buyers who want to buy.  What a wonderful time to hand the baton from one generation to the other.  Just don’t try to rip-off Grandpa.  If you start off with ill-gotten gains, you usually end up with well-earned losses.

Isn’t this a wonderful place to live!  You are free to succeed.

Brenda